DarthIbis' Epic Fails
by Jay Wilson

Published Sep 15, 2008

Week 3

Each week, CanesOverHere's very own DarthIbis produces Epic Fails of the week.  These are college football's embarassments and colossal failures, for those unfamiliar with the tradition.  Here is this week's latest, also seen at:  this link on CanesOverHere.com's football forum

Here's the second installment chronicling the events from this past week.

ACC - Actually pulled an unexpected 3-1 outside the league this week, thus handing off the "worst BCS conference" crown (for now.)
NC State - For only putting up 9 points and 288 yards against the worst defense in the conference (Clemson - their defense gave up an average of 423 yards in their first two games.)
GT vs VT - GT played in their second consecutive "Pillowfight of the Week." Look for them to make it three in a row against Mississippi St.
ACC Officials - I didn't see it, but rumor has it that Flubberneck got a gift this week.
That Clown College for Girls - For being three weeks into the season and having not yet played a team from division 1-A.
Virginia - What else can I say? 45-10 loss at UConn pretty much says it all.
Miami - For whining about the late field goal against UFaG. It's not about how classy they are (because we know they aren't.) It's about us keeping our composure, even when things don't go our way. No Excuses, right?
Honorable Mention:
Clemson - For still thinking they are the best team in the league while in the midst of playing four consecutive doormats.
North Carolina - For thinking their victory against Rutgers was meaningful.
Maryland - While pulling off the big upset after failing last week against MTSU... for giving up 21 in the 4th against a Berkley team that had been pwn3d all day and almost letting them back in the game.

Big XII -
Hurricane Ike - For postponing Texas vs. Arkansas.
Kansas - For giving the game away (final drive interception) to Strip Mall U.
Iowa St. - losing the 4th quarter 14-2 (and consequently the game) against your in-state rival.
Hy-Vee Cy-Hawk Trophy - For being possibly the most unoriginal rivalry trophy. (And you're sponsored by a grocery store?)

Big East - For making a strong case for the "worst BCS conference" spot.
Rutgers - For the Chimp getting plowed by his former boss.
Syracuse - For making State Penn look like world-beaters.

Big Ten -
Michigan - Losing to Notre Dame, what else?
Ohio State - For pretending to be a top-five team
Honorable Mention:
Wisconsin - For struggling with Fresno St.
Iowa - See above in regards to Hy-Vee Cy-Hawk Trophy.
Illinois - 20-17 against the Ragin' Cajuns... at home.
Minnesota - For pretending to be a winning team after beating two MAC teams and Montana St. They play FAU next week.

Conference USA - Although they are weak, not too many unexpected results here.
Honorable Mention:
East Carolina - For their nail-biter with Tulane.
Rice - For having a scoreless second half against Vandy.
SMU - For taking a beating from Pirate Captain Leach.

Independents - For not being in a conference.
Navy - For losing to Dook.
Charlie Weiss - for being too fat to get clear of the play coming toward him on the sideline.
Honorable Mention:
Western Kentucky - 41-7 against 'Bama... ouch!

Temple vs. Buffalo - For televising this putrid game.
Honorable Mention:
Miami Ohio - For needing 14 4th quarter points to beat Charleston Southern (38-27).

Mountain West - Exceeding expectations.
Honorable Mention:
Wyoming - For needing two 4th quarter field goals to beat 1-AA North Dakota St. 16-13.

Pac Ten - Except for the Trojans, the conference is jealous of the ACC and Big East's failures and want to also be in consideration for "worst BCS conference." 3-7 this week against some pretty weak competition.
Cal Berkley - For getting pwn3d by Maryland 35-27 (scoring 21 of 27 in the 4th.)
Washington St. - For getting rammed up the Wazzou by Baylor 45-17. (The Circus did not play.)
Stanford - For losing to the Horny Toads 31-14.
UCLA - 59-0 from the Mormons. (Didn't see that coming.) By the way, From the looks of the goose egg for the fourth quarter, it appears that BYU called off the dogs.
Washington - 55-14 loss to Oklahomo. UDub has been outscored 127 to 51 in three games.
Arizona - For losing to 1-2 New Mexico.
Arizona St. - Overtime loss to UNLV. So much for anyone touching USC this year.

Sun Belt - For attempting to play football at D 1-A level.
Not much else going on here this week other than a couple almost-upsets not worth mentioning (since they "failed" to win.)
North Texas getting reamed by LSU is business as usual.

SEC - Their refs can have a permanent spot up here as far as I'm concerned.
Arkansas vs. Texas - See above reference to Ike.
South Carolina - For fumbling away the tying TD against Georgia.
That Cow College vs. Mississippi St. - For a final score of 3-2.
Honorable Mention:
Georgia - For getting a lucky break.
Kentucky - For needing 10 4th quarter points for a come-from-behind victory against Middle Tennessee St.

WAC - For having a 2-6 record this week.
Nevada - For giving up nearly 70 points.
Hawaii - For losing to the 1-2 Beavers 45-7.
Idaho - For getting vandalized by a MAC team (Western Michigan) 51-28.
Utah St. - For a 58-10 loss to Utah.
Fresno St. - For scoring only 10 points at home against a beatable Badger squad.
Honorable Mention:
San Jose St. and Boise St. - For beating teams that are bad enough to be in the WAC.


Jay Wilson is a frequent contributor on CanesOverHere.com and resides near COH headquarters in Charlotte, NC. He can be reached at jwilson@members.asce.org

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